I Want To Live In A Wigwam

Well I hope everyone made it through January without the typical, and often media fueled, “Christmas withdrawals.” I find it funny sometimes how there is always an explanation for something, we find some way to pigeon hole feelings and emotions into something that we can all understand. “Oh, that person is depressed;” which generally means that we have some stereotypical assumption of what they may be going through…..and how to fix it. Maybe that person just doesn't give a shit? Reasons aside, “we” appear to not let people be, instead we need to fit them into some mold of understanding that makes it easier, for one, to get on with our own lives; and two, so that we can feel good that our certain circumstances aren't as shitty as theirs. You know, sometimes I just want to do this:

So after sorting Tupperware I began thinking of what small milestone I might accomplish this year; although I'm completely against resolutions, I am 100% for supporting goals - they are the only thing keeping me from eating frozen cookie dough and spending the next day in last year's Christmas pajamas and complaining that I'm breaking out in a dairy-related body hive. With that being said, I think some goals are inconceivable; such as my goal to marry Elton John at the age of 12. Moving on. I'm going to go a little off track here, mostly because this is my own goddamn blog and I can do whatever the hell I want; I feel that Cat Stevens is the reason why I have unrealistic goals of what my future might entail. I remember sitting upstairs in my attic room as a teenager and playing his records on my deceased granddad`s record player; I will share a few lyrics from his song, I want to live in a wigwam, which pretty much explains all of my child-teenage dreams:

I'd like to live in a wigwamYes, I'd like to live in a wigwamI'd like to live in a wigwamAnd dance round the totem pole

I'd like to live in an iglooYes, I'd like to live in an iglooI'd like to live in an iglooAnd fish from an ice hole

Oh, I'd like to ride on a caravanI'd like to take a ride on a caravanYes, I'd like to ride on a caravanAnd sing with the gypsies

I'd like to live on a communeYes, I'd like to live on a communeI'd like to live on a communeAnd people can call me a hippie

I don't want to live in a palaceNo, I don't want to live in no palaceOh, I don't want to live in no palaceThere's too many empty rooms

I don't want to live in the barracksDon't want to live in the barracksOh, I don't want to live in the barracksAnd wake up to the bugle tune

I'd just like to live in a tree hutYes, I'd like to live on the tree hutYes, I'd like to live on a tree hutAnd listen to the sound of the birds

And I don't want to live in a jail houseDon't wanna bide my time in no jail houseNo, I don't want to live in no jail houseAnd be fed bread through the bars

I must digress that living in a palace, igloo, or wigwam would be awesome, I would in no way sign up to live in barracks or any sort of jailhouse. For one, I would probably severely end the life of the bugle player, and secondly, I don't eat a lot of bread, and when I do, I like it toasted with jam; and a side of eggs. I really feel like I have reduced my living needs substantially in the past year, mostly because living just "slightly" above the poverty line is quite humbling and awakening. So back to goals.....

As some of you might know, I was a previous smoker in earlier times, since then, and thanks to the government, I was able to quit. Also thanks to "anti-smoking" programs I am no longer smoking but am now addicted to nicotine gum. Effing con artists is what they are. To be honest, I quite enjoyed smoking; it was the routine to "cover up" the smoking afterwards that exhausted me to the point of quitting; finding out the government would pay for it peaked my Scottish blood even more. There's nothing quite like free.

Now since then, I have been chewing my weight in nicotine gum; I have finally gotten to the point of realizing that this is not a life-long sustainable thing. So, like any unknowing citizen, I went online for the most ACCURATE and INFORMATIONAL (please detect the sarcasm in my voice) way of kicking this habit. After seconds of searching, I came across the official site of CHAMPIX. Now, we all know the detrimental health consequences of smoking, short and long term, but please pay attention to the warnings given by this product:

• changes in behaviour
• changes in mood
• depression
• thinking about harming self or others
• abdominal pain
• appetite changes
• changes in taste
• constipation
• dizziness
• drowsiness
• dry mouth
• flatulence (passing gas)
• gingivitis
• headache
• heartburn
• nausea
• rash
• sleep disturbance (difficulty sleeping or abnormal dreams)
• unusual tiredness or weakness
• vomiting

- worsening cardiovascular-related symptoms, such as new or worsening chest pain, new or worse pain in legs when walking, shortness of breath, or trouble breathing

I'm sorry, I was just looking for a way to enable me to fully give up nicotine, NOT buy a ticket straight to HELL. Shit, I get three quarters of these symptoms by sitting on the couch on a Tuesday night, let alone cognitively and full-heartily signing up for it!Are we talking about the better of two evils here or what? You know, I don't really see the benefit between wanting to harm others while experiencing drowsiness, heartburn, nausea, weakness, and vomiting - not to mention trying not to shit yourself while you're depressed and hungry; compared to inhaling something full of tar and chemicals - no one getting hurt and you've still got your shit together.

Now obviously I know that not all symptoms would be experienced, but knowing my luck, I'd be playing tupperware origami shit-capades upon consumption.

I'll take my chances with the gum thank-you very much.