Well the day has come (and gone); you know the day that ends every single year? Maybe it was even your birthday or perhaps you celebrated the birth of a child, or maybe, just maybe, you just got totally shit faced and forgot your own name and where your pants were? Regardless, a new year has begun and what a better time to set yourself up for failure and upset than creating some bullshit list of how you've failed in the past year as a human being and how you're "going to do better" this year. Yes, I'm going to get my lucky pen out (because using a pen means it's permanent), reach way back into the cupboard from hell to find the note pad that last year's resolutions were written on, and bullshit my way into convincing myself that 2013 will be the year that I will get my shit together. Christ, looking back upon the year, I'm goddamn thankful that I wasn't knocked up and that I didn't contract some deadly airborne disease, now those are accomplishments if you ask me. I'd also like to give myself a well-deserved pat on the back for being such a goddamn fantastic person, not to mention offering a solid handshake to the amazing people in my life that put up with my incessant banter and what may be perceived, at times, as genuine "asshole-ness." All that aside I truly think that 2013 is going to be a great year, not because I know this, but because I bloody well hope it will be. Don't get me wrong, 2012 had some amazing and life changing events, but I'm a firm believer in if you're not moving up and on, there where the hell are you going???
I have a lot to look forward to in 2013; my niece turns one!! My sister will be having the first McCaffery-Taylor grandchild, I will be celebrating my first year of marriage, and, if the stars align, I will be graduating! Well the first three things are true regardless; I can see myself in 15 years celebrating my long awaited school graduation at a Johnny Reid concert flinging my tummy tuck panties on stage and trying not to wet myself. Christ.
I really wanted to boycott the whole "New Years Resolution" thing this year, and as mentioned previously, I think it is an efficient way to self-sabotage any hopes of accomplishing anything positive in the up and coming months. Is a list of goals going to drag my ass to the gym? Is a piece of paper with promises going to stop me from eating my own weight in chocolate? Can it stop me from thinking ungodly things about 99% of the population? We put soo much effort, incentive, and energy into something that really is, when we break it down, nothing but words on a page. If you ask me, if that thing aint going to clean my floors, wipe my ass, or take out the garbage then it can get the hell out of my house. And why do we do this? Every year it is the same old thing, why not try and do something different everyday, or once a week? Why does a new year change any of this? It's like clean sheets, once you clean them, they're just going to get dirty again. - ok maybe I'm getting off topic a little on the sheets, but I know full well that the majority of people lie horrifically about the rate at which they wash their sheets (myself included). Some like the filth, some don't, some lie about it even, but it's always coming back. I think what it comes down to is accepting who we are, tweaking the things that need a little attention (ask your family and loved ones for input, they're always good at telling you exactly how much of a dick you've been in the past year), and put your energy into where it is needed. Better yet, stand in front of the mirror and truly look at who you are, who you have become, and where you are going. Give YOURSELF a pat of the back and say thank-you for doing your best; then take two steps back, remove the spanx and tummy tucker underwear, and get your ass to the gym - You and the rest of your city's population will be fighting for the treadmill and you gotta get yo' ass in line.
And hell, if it's any conciliation, the world still justifies paying athletes millions of dollars while the rest of the population still struggles with poverty, homelessness, and hunger......I think you can sit a few out.
No comments:
Post a Comment