Well I truly hope that all of you took my advice in regards to the holiday season; eating, drinking, and saying inappropriate things all to excess that will no doubt take until NEXT Christmas for your family members to excuse your foul and inappropriate behavior. I am a little upset that I was not able to provide you all with greater words of wisdom but there is always next year. I also give advice for weddings, christenings, birthdays, Bat-Mitzvah's, break-up's, and walk-of-shame's.
The Christmas shit-show started early, 4 am to be exact. I thought it would be a GREAT idea to leave Penticton early in order to catch connecting ferries to the island and Hornby. After a constipating and anxiety filled drive along highway 3, mother nature decided to crap all over what was to be my perfectly planned trip. After five and a half hours in a ferry line up, Fraser and I finally made the ferry. The following day we rolled onto Hornby and proceeded to slip into the the comfortable state that I like to call, "Hornby Island Time." Now I know this is not a well known phrase, but it bloody well should be. I mean people on this island have names like "Honeybee" and "Storm," not to mention the goddamn reverend rides a horse - BARE BACK - and has a firm handshake with the bottle - if you know what I mean. On Hornby you can buy your groceries, smoke a joint, and purchase alcohol all within the same location - same store for that matter. You can also drive without insurance (in winter months) and use your mother's inherited land to grow copious amounts of dope. There are also the "Eco Hippies" as I like to call them, you know, the people who drive hybrid vehicles and wear organic hemp clothing, but you know full well they go home to their million dollar mansions and drink tea (organically grown of course) from a gold plated cup whilst sitting on their 100% buffalo skin sofa -christ. My mother on the other hand does not have a phone, uses a wood stove for heat, doesn't own a t.v., hasn't had a regular paycheck since 1980, does not drive a vehicle (this is actually a godsend as her previous vehicles were roadside hazards), and does not own a washer or dryer- which most likely adds to her "Hornby Island Artist Look" - and wardrobe. But you know what? Miraculously ( and I say this with true sarcasm) she is HAPPY. I think, especially during the Christmas season, we either are searching for THAT happiness or have somehow lost it in all the festive chaos. Not to mention, throughout the year we are always grasping at finding that balance between having an absolute mental breakdown and finding 2 minutes in the day to appreciate what we really have. Now, I'm just as guilty as everyone else in this, it's not like I sit practicing yoga and meditating my way through life - but with my current unemployed self, this may be an option? I guess what I'm saying is, seek out something, someone, or some feeling that makes you reflect upon the life you have been given, and continue to live. Find a time to appreciate what you have, be that your health, your family, or the people you choose to surround yourself with. Our lives are filled with accumulating pressure and influence, take a step back, breathe in deep, and have a look around. Christ, the world can't even leave gay penguins alone (see link below):
Gay Penguins
When the holiday is all said and done, I am happy to report that my Christmas back at home was everything that I imagined it would be - and more. Some of the highlights you ask??
1. My mother-in-law's new rendition of the song, "Deck the halls with BALLS of holly"
2. Another close family friend serenading a Christmas party with, "I saw mommy fucking Santa Clause"
3. Acquiring a deep love and passion for Disaronno and cranberry - trust me, it is amazing
4.Singing drunken karaoke at the Queen's 4 hours before heading home
5. Receiving a CAT blanket for a present
6. Having to explain to all of my family members, on multiple occasions, that I am no longer employed
7. Realizing that I couldn't have asked to be in the company of some of the most amazing people I have ever met and had the opportunity to get to know
Merry Christmas All!!!!! Stay tuned for my New Years post, bound to be full of cynical analysis of the human race...oh! and also my New Years Resolutions (there are many)
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